fSo here we are in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Children have been out of school already for a month, they are doing some educational enrichment through some aspect of online education from their school teachers. Some of the parents have even begun working from home, some are struggling with perhaps not working. 

In all of this I'm reminded of a post by my good friend and senior student Master Dan McCarthy where he talks about building Legos with his boys.  What is really important is that he has taken the time to spend with his children. 

As my boys are teenagers it becomes harder and harder to get them involved with family activities, but I still try. Last Sunday my wife and I played a card game with the boys. We have to look to have fun with them because before we know it they will be off to college, or like our oldest two, about to have children of their own. 

Take the time and enjoy the time with them. 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg was given a little piece of advice on her wedding day by her mother in law: “In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” Ginsburg would say she applied it to her job too: “I have employed it as well in every workplace, including the Supreme Court. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.”

This is nothing new, ancient history tells stories quite similar. There is a story of Cato, who was struck by someone in an argument in the Roman baths. The man was forced to apologize when it was explained to him what an important person he had just punched. Cato’s response? “I don’t remember being hit.” He was practicing not just deafness, but forgetfulness—even as his face was probably still stinging from the blow.

That’s the point though: You can go around in this life looking out for every insult and snide comment. You can hang onto every time you’ve been wronged and investigate every case of possible bad faith. Or you can tune it out, be a little deaf to it and let things go. Not stupidly of course, not completely or utterly forgetful, but just enough that you can get along with people and function above the fray and the muck and the things that catch other people up. Just enough that you don’t go around angry all the time.

There is probably no piece of literature that the Stoics were more familiar with than the Odyssey. Seneca quotes it. Marcus Aurelius quotes it. Pretty much everyone in the ancient world was so familiar with Homer’s verses that they could be quoted without attribution and people would know what the speaker was referencing.

It makes sense. It’s a beautiful, inspiring poem with all sorts of lessons and images. But here’s one that the Stoics never mentioned, that is easy to miss unless you read all the way to the end. In fact, in some translations it’s cut off or ignored. What does Odysseus do after nearly ten years of war and then ten more years of struggle to make it home? What does he do shortly after arriving home after having been gone so long that his wife’s hair was grey and his old dog was barely alive? After he slaughtered the invaders in his home and secured his kingdom that he was blocked from for so long?

It’s almost unbelievable: Almost immediately after coming home, he gets ready to leave again! As Emily Wilson beautifully translates Odysseus giving the insane news to his long suffering wife:

But now we have returned to our own bed, As we both longed to do. You must look after My property inside the house. Meanwhile, I have to go on raids, to steal replacements For all the sheep those swaggering suitors killed, And get the other Greeks to give me more, until I fill my folds.

Isn’t that the human condition in a nutshell? Isn’t that restlessness exactly what got Odysseus in trouble in the first place? The insatiability and greed that nearly took him and his men to the brink a hundred times? As Blaise Pascal put it, “all of humanity’s problems stem from our inability to sit quietly in a room.” Because we cannot be happy, because we can’t just be, we waste years of our life. We go begging for trouble. We invent problems. We flee, as Seneca once put it, from ourselves. Clearly that’s what Odysseus was doing. No one who actually likes themselves or their lives spends twenty years fighting to get back to it...and then leaves the day after they get there!

We must realize that stillness is the key. Stillness is how you connect to yourself and others. Stillness is where true happiness comes from. Where is all this rushing taking you? Where was Odysseus pointing his ship toward? We are rushing toward death. A life of restlessness is not what we’re after. That’s not where meaning comes from. No one is saying that Odysseus should just lay back and lounge for the rest of his life—but if he can’t take even a few minutes with his family after that long of an absence, something is wrong with him. Turns out the war with Troy was the sideshow—the real battle was in this guy’s head and heart...and it was against the fear of not being in motion constantly. Sadly it’s an affliction shared by a good portion of ambitious, talented people.

There is no greatness that is not at peace, Seneca reminds us. There is no greatness if we cannot be. We must be still.

I am about to reveal the greatest self-defense weapon known to mankind. A weapon you have in your possession right now. A weapon that cannot be taken away from you. A weapon that never grows dull or runs out of ammunition. A weapon you can take on board an airplane without a permit. A weapon you can walk up to even the President with. What is it?

                                    Your smile.

That’s not what you wanted to hear, is it? You wanted me to say something like your mind is the greatest self-defense weapon, or pepper spray, or a flame-thrower. Allow me to explain…

In case you haven’t heard, smiling has been proven to–

• Lower stress
• Help digest food
• Dampen anxiety
• Boost the immune system
• Relax muscles
• Lighten mood
• Decrease pain
• Increase attractiveness
• Promote a longer life

Okay, okay–that’s all well and good, but what the heck does it have to do with self-defense? I’ll tell you. Take a step back for a second and really consider what the term “self-defense” means. Self-defense is more than just what to do if someone tries to rob your wallet.

Self-defense is the struggle to be at your best against anything and everything that would rob you of your health, happiness, comfort, or well-being.

Yep. Self-defense is a full-time project. Your eating habits, exercise habits, relationships, work life, attitude… neglect any one of those things and you can expose yourself to unnecessary stress, pain, humiliation, or danger. Washing your hands is self-defense against germs. Reading reviews is self-defense against getting ripped off.

Everything you do, every choice you make, is either going to make you safer, stronger, and happier, or make you more vulnerable to disaster.

Nothing is more powerful than a smile in defending yourself from the ills of this world in all of their many forms, or more helpful in chasing down and seizing a healthy, happy life.

Your smile is your greatest self-defense weapon. But you can’t just tell someone to smile, can you? What if you’re not in the mood? Or maybe you feel you have no reason to smile.

Be careful, my friends. Waiting around for a reason to smile, or for something to make your life better, is a lousy strategy for a happy life. It means you view smiling as a reaction to life, and never an action to take. And that’s a mistake. Just like a gun is of no use to you if it’s at home under your bed when you need it, your smile is powerless to help you if you keep it hidden away.

You need it now. Right now.

The same goes for money. You know saving money is a good idea. But do you wait around until you have a reason to save money? No. It’s always a good idea to save money. You save money because you know at some point, sooner or later, you’ll want to have money to spend on something.

Same for smiling. It’s always a good idea to smile. Even if you don’t feel like it, even if you don’t have a reason. You should smile because at some point, you’re going to want to be healthy, relaxed, and attractive. Heck–not just at some point—at every point! When don’t you want to be healthy, relaxed, and attractive?

Here’s the good news– putting on a smile – even a fake one—will make you feel like smiling for real.  That’s a fact. It’s how we’re wired. So, fake it till you make it, my friend.

Okay. So, if all that’s true, why don’t you see more people smiling? Why are so many people hunched over, dragging themselves around, moping… even on a good day?

Put a number on it. Look around the gym, the office, or the supermarket–what percentage of people do you see smiling? Would you say more than half are smiling or less? Would you say 20%… 10%… 5%? Whatever your count, it sure ain’t a lot, is it?

I understand that just because you don’t see people smiling that doesn’t mean they’re not happy. Maybe they’re all neutral. But neutral means they’re neither happy nor unhappy—you know, like a plant. Or a rock. Or a robot. Is that how you want to live? Aren’t you more than a plant or a rock or a robot?

Quick question. What is your “base face”? That’s the term I use to refer to how someone looks most of the day. Their default countenance, if you will. Think of someone you know. Anyone. Now imitate them. What does your face look like? That’s their base face.

Of course, the more important question is: If someone imitates you, what expression would they put on their face? Would it be a smile? A furrowed brow? Neutral? Serious? Grumpy?

What’s your base face?

No one wants to be remembered as mean and grumpy, but look around…it’s a sea of ugly faces out there! Why are so many people dead-set against smiling? Everyone is more attractive when they smile, yet look how many choose not to. It’s a disease, I tell you! We are suffering from an epidemic of ugly faces!

Here’s how bad it is. Remember that time you offered someone a smile… and they didn’t smile back? And you immediately felt like a moron? Maybe you even considered never smiling at anyone again?

Stop it! That’s how the disease spreads. Don’t let the grumps and the zombies disarm you. Don’t let someone else’s insecurities and fears strip you of your greatest self-defense weapon. Don’t be sucked into thinking that smiling is a sign of weakness.

Smiling is a sign of confidence and courage. Smiling takes guts. And you can do it. If you want a healthy, happy life, you must!

Why aren’t more people smiling? I theorize that people take pride in appearing like they’re working hard. There is social value in being seen struggling.

Smiling makes things look too easy. You’re not supposed to enjoy your work. You’re supposed to look miserable and stressed out, right? I mean, everyone else is whining and complaining, so you should, too, right?

No way. Not even close. We should all be smart enough to know that enjoying our work makes our work better. Joy is a productive emotional state. Repulsion, denial, bitterness, anger, and frustration will all separate you from the task at hand. Joy will connect you to your work, your relationships, and yourself more deeply and effectively than anything else.

Here’s another reason why you don’t see more smiles, and it’s a big one, especially in the martial arts– anger feels powerful. It feels good. It wakes you up. It gets the blood and adrenaline flowing. Anger feels like you’re taking control.

Look at children. When they feel like they’re not in control, they throw a tantrum. They stamp their feet, scream, and cross their arms.

As adults, most of us outgrow throwing full-blown tantrums, but that doesn’t mean we’ve learned how to smile when life tries to knock us down. Instead, we learn to endure. We tighten our lips, furrow our brow, and plod through our daily routine. But holding on to our disappointment and frustration only puts us on track for a heart attack.

Thankfully, there is another alternative to tantrums or enduring…it’s called smiling.

Is it really possible to walk around in a state of joy or quiet confidence no matter what happens? Can you permanently install an iron-clad smile on your face and in your heart?

I say yes. Not as a sappy, rainbow colored-dream, but as a purposeful strategy to get the most out of your life.

If you could give yourself a 10% raise in salary, you would do it. Well, you have the power to give yourself a psychological, emotional, and physical raise right now–just smile. It’s tax-free and there’s no cap on it.

Joy and anger are both heightened emotional states. Either one can make you more capable of enduring pain, pushing harder, and feeling stronger. But there’s a crucial difference between anger and joy–anger leads to tension, shallow breathing, and inflexibility of body and mind.
Joy, on the other hand, leads to relaxation, flexibility, and openness. You can see, you can think, you can breathe, you can flow. Those qualities are always advantages. Always. Even in a fight.

Bruce Lee warned about tension and anger in the Tao of Jeet Kune Do. He wrote:

“[The mind of a student in actual combat] must be calm and not at all disturbed. He must feel as if nothing critical is happening. …His eyes not fixed and glaring insanely at the enemy. His behavior should not be in any way different from his everyday behavior.”

You may also remember heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson. Iron Mike was famous for fierce knockouts, fierce words, and the occasional nibble on an ear. Here’s what Kid Dynamite said about happiness:

“There’s nothing more deadly and nothing more proficient than a happy fighter.”

Did you get that? Nothing more deadly or more proficient.He went on to say that it’s not “the mean and the surly fighter” who’s dangerous, it’s the fighter who’s the most relaxed and who loves what he does.

See? I told you—feeling joyful or happy is no joke. It’s your greatest shield and self-defense weapon. And you polish them both by smiling.

Despite the wisdom of Bruce and Mike, the world of martial arts is still full of ugly faces. Look on the cover of any martial arts magazine, or poster promoting a fight, or a fight on TV, and you’ll see someone scowling, snarling, or screaming.

I get it—they’re trying to look fierce and powerful…even scary. But the way I see it, they look like children throwing tantrums. They look like they’re trying to convince themselves they’re tough and in control.

They think they’re getting focused and building strength, but really, they’re only half-right. Yes, they may be in a more powerful state than someone lying on the couch watching TV, but not more than the guy who is calm, attentive, and quietly confident. That guy doesn’t have to sell you on his competence. You just feel it.

I’m a big fan of quiet confidence. The most successful and capable people I know, in any field, don’t beat their chest and snarl like wild animals. Quite the opposite. They’re usually quiet. Serene, even. They don’t worry and whine and make work look like drudgery. They just get things done.
So, how do you go from being fearful and tense to cool and collected? How do you find a smile even when everyone around is miserable? Practice. You don’t wait around for a reason to smile, you simply take action and make yourself happy.

Get started today. Right now. If you can only manage to force an inward or secret smile, fine. Maybe tomorrow it turns into a smirk… then a grin. Before you know it, you’ll have a full-blown, open-mouthed, happy smile.

Be an ambassador of good will, of confidence, of comfort. Take pride in carrying that spirit into every room and into every relationship. My first hope for anyone is to be a fighter. But not an angry fighter--I want you to be a happy fighter. 

Happy because you have confronted your fears, embraced your experiences, made peace with your limitations, polished your skills, and accepted life on its terms, both good and bad.
When you do all of that, you will feel the tension disappear. You will feel lighter. You will have more room in your mind to see things you’ve never seen before. You will have more room in your heart to forgive others and forgive yourself. You will hold on to less bitterness, usher out resentment, and welcome in more love.

Sure, all that sounds corny, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Love is more powerful than hate. It really is. And joy is more powerful than anger.

I think it’s fair to say when you’re old and gray, you’ll look back on your life and laugh about almost everything. Even the things that hurt you today. So, why wait till you’re old and gray to laugh? See the big picture now.

Get to your happy ending sooner than later so you can enjoy it longer.

Create a new “base face”. Soon, when people think of you, they’ll smile because that’s the memory you left with them.

Before you see another doctor, pop another pill, lift another weight, drink another mojito, try another diet, try this prescription:

Smile once a day, as soon as you wake up, and keep smiling, no matter what, till you go to sleep.

Do that seven days a week, for the rest of your life. It’s all-natural, organic, and absolutely free.
If that dosage seems a little high, try some physical therapy. Smile four times–that’s four reps–every time you leave your home, every time you step out of your car, and every time you’re about to meet someone. Every day.

Pump up the power of your smile. Get it in your veins. Get high on smiling. Get addicted to smiling.
Final thought. If you want to help build a happier, more peaceful world, you don’t need to start a charity, you need to start smiling. You don’t need to raise a million dollars, you need to raise the corners of your mouth.

Be brave. Be the first to smile.

Be a smile leader and you’ll not only change your life, you might just change the world.

By Michael Rowe
Last year I visited Japan for duty with the Navy Reserve Component. I had other plans as well I wanted to experience some more martial arts training in Japan. I have been training in Hapkido for almost 30 years and I wanted to spend some time with its sister art in Japan, Aikido.  In 2016 I had a chance to spend a few hours training at the Aikido Hombu Dojo and meet with the current Doshu Moriteru Ueshiba. I was hoping to get a greater level of training this year. 
 
When I arrived in Japan I checked into the base recieved my housing assignement and checked into the job. As I expected there was going to be an amazing amount of time that I could travel from Yokosuka to Tokyo to visit the Hombu Dojo.  After checking in at the Aikiki Dojo I changed into my gi and placed my white belt around my waist. The sensei of the Dojo did remember me from my previous visit from last year and recongized I was not a total beginner but they wanted to go through the paces.  Being that I know that Aikido and Hapkido both have the same root there are some simliarities but there are going to be major differences.  I was give the task of demonstrating and practicing Ik Kyu the first fundamental teaching of Aikido. We call it simply the straight arm bar. 

While I felt that I had done an satisfactory job presenting the teaching from the variety of attacks presented, but the Doshu thought differently. He told me to work on one particular movement of the technique – it was a bit too much muscle and needed move relaxation. I bowed and then prepared to continue with the technique. 

I worked on the technique very hard against many variations of attacks: same side wrist grabs, cross wrist grabs, lapel grabs. double wrist grabs from the front and rear, and punch as wel. I practiced what was presented to me for correction for about ten minutes when I noticed that Doshu was on the other side of the dojo, giving instruction to another student.

I chose to continue to to practice the technique even though I have been practing the technique for almost 30 years already. I did it for almost an half hour, my gi was was soaked with sweat. After more than an hour’s worth of repeating the same fundamental technique, one of the senpai (senior students) came over and told me to demonstrate Ni Kyu - the second teaching. 

So this is how it went for the basic 5 teachings of Aikido that we covered that day. My arms were lead, my legs were shaking, I could barely change and get down the stairs, walk to the train and get back to base. But I was back in the Dojo training the next day. Something about the  intensitiy appealed to me. 

Now, I will walk away from my students while they are working on a particular form or technique – just to see what they’ll do. Most of them will continue to practice what they were told. A few will walk over to me to ask what they should do and some  discontinue practicing as they begin to talk and socialize with their classmates. This seems to happen regardless if the students are children, teens, or adults.

It has been said that if a teacher shows the student one corner, the student should be able to find the other three. If he cannot (or will not), then the teacher should leave him alone because he’s simply a waste of time.

Grandmaster Pak and Grandmaster Pellegrini both would often show me a particular technique or an aspect of a technique or form and then see what I did with it. Would I simply forgot whatever it was that was shown to me? Would I practice it on my own time, striving to improve my performance? Would I simply fool around and play with the technique, perhaps ask for constant guidance on if I was doing it right?  Or would I train at the school, and at home in my free time the teaching presented? Would I refine it and make it my personal expression of movement?

One thing I figured out was that the teacher was always watching and evaluating. Oh sure they would talk with us and joke now and then but they were always calculating. Would I be one that they would teach the real material too? Could I find not only the four corners of the room, but all the entrances and exits?  Was I worth teaching the real methods to?

So what are you gong to do to find the corners?

Develop Your personal defensive methods of combat using the Five Elements.

Chon-tu Kwan Hapkido (Combat Hapkido) can use the Five Elements of Earth, Water, Fire, Wind, and Void to help you delve into your own capability. Each Element gives you the opportunity to develop techniques, principles, strategy, and a mindset.

Earth
The Earth element is where you start, developing a sense of stability, boundary-setting, and the foundation movements of Chon-tu Kwan Hapkido. You will learn punches, kicks, and special strikes. You’ll learn how to roll safely when you fall, how to keep your balance so you don’t have to fall, and how to deliver power through your skeletal structure, no matter your strength. You’ll also learn how to defend against the 12 most common attacks in America today, including punches, kicks, slaps, tackles, grabs, and restraints.

Water
In the Water element you learn to change position and perspective to get a better angle on the problem. You’ll learn how to apply your strikes in motion, along with advanced rolling skills, joint locks, arm-bars, and ground survival techniques. You’ll also develop the power of the fluid shock wave, where timing and shifting weight provides a surprising surge of power at just the right angle. You’ll develop your skill against 12 more attacks that are likely from an experienced attacker, including multiple punches, ground take-downs, headlocks, hammerlock restraints, “bear hug” grabs, and attack combinations.

Fire
The Fire element builds on these skills by developing your sense of connection and timing. You’ll learn how to recognize the perfect moment to move, along with developing hurdling skills, throws, and fighting from challenging positions. You’ll learn 12 more defenses against experienced attackers, including how to counter a speed jab punch, an overwhelming shove, being kicked while on the ground, and being pulled off your feet.

Wind
In the Wind element you will explore freedom of movement and how to let the attacker’s energy become their own problem. You’ll learn to evade the attacker in such a way as to unbalance them and direct them to the ground effortlessly. Along the way, you’ll learn advanced joint lock techniques, throws, break-falls and striking techniques, plus how to read an opponent’s precontact cues so well that you can move with their attack even as they launch it.

Void
The Void element is the last of the five before Black Belt. You’ll learn to perceive the dynamics of the fight with enough simplicity that you can efficiently position yourself inside the action, take control in the best way, and end the fight on your terms. You also learn further techniques in advanced rolling, joint control, choking, and balance control.

Black Belt Degrees
Black Belt training goes on from there, uplifting the Five Foundation Elements into techniques of the mind and spirit as you advanced through degrees of Black Belt toward mastery.

What a journey! Are you ready to begin?

School is starting and that means once again our children will be seeing people who are bullied.
​
A bystander is a witness, in this case, a witness to bullying, someone who sees another person getting physically, socially or verbally intimidated. A bystander is commonly seen as a fly on the wall, an observer helpless to step in. A bystander has just as big a role as the Bully and the Victim.

They can do one of three things:

1. Stand up for the Victim
2. Help the Bully
3. Do nothing

When teaching courses in classrooms I follow this statement up with one question, “Which one are you?” Most of us do nothing when our friend or a classmate is being bullied, they stand idle and watch. Doing nothing as a bystander helps the bully. The bully wants to draw attention to the situation and have people watch, by standing in the audience, we are helping. This statement is unsettling.

The eager students will shout out, “You need to help them!” The majority of bullying is uprooted when a bystander steps in. All it takes is one person to stand next to the victim, and the bully will turn away. It’s our jobs as parents and older siblings to teach the young to stand up for one another. We can all stand up against Bullying.

There are a few strategies bystanders can use to help out the Victim, but not put themselves under the bully’s foot:

1. One of the best ways to help is inviting someone to be in your group. If you see someone who is sitting by themselves at lunch ask them to join you and your friends. If your teacher asks the group to pair up and there’s an odd person out, have them join your group.
2. Another great way to help out the target is making a distraction. If you see someone getting bullied you can pretend you don’t even know what’s going on and run up to the target and make an excuse to get them out of there:

                        “Hey Karen, Mrs. Smith is looking for you, she’s in her office.”
                        “Paul, where have you been, I need that book I lent you. Let’s go to your locker.”

I see Hapkido as anti-bully training. It teaches you confidence and the ability to assert yourself and stands strong for what you believe in. Remember, Parents, teachers and Sensei’s are excellent people to talk to. They are your support system and can give you advice. It is your job to stand strong.